Adorable Child and her friends frequently tell Polimom stories about incidents and interactions in their middle-school (and high-school) worlds. Sometimes the stories are funny… but far more often — and ever-more frequently — they’re not.
I can’t remember ever sharing such tales with my parents (or my friends’ parents), so I have no idea what they’d have done. Would they have tried to help the kids who have started drinking, or smoking, or toking? Would they have called the parents of the boys who are “scooping” (groping) girls breasts? Would they have confronted the boys who “pantsed” the girl on the street? Would they have notified the school about the pervasive sexual bullying that’s manifesting in “tea-bagging” (you don’t want to know, trust me) of younger or smaller boys?
Did kids even do such things in those days? Not that I remember.
All this was so much easier last year, when AC was only a 6th grader. The stories were about older kids… other kids.
Somebody else’s friends.
I have to tell you — it’s hardhardhard to be a teen, but parenting one ain’t no picnic, either. There’s a very fine line that can’t be crossed if one wants to keep those channels of communication open.
I really need that manual. Anybody have a copy to share?
Teen parenting sucks
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I think each manual writes itself as it happens.
Bless your heart, Poli. I remember it well. I was the mom all the kids talked to. Our house was the one they call congregated in. I learned early on not to show any emotion while listening to them, neither shock nor approval, just stayed neutral til they finished. Then I would ask THEM what they thought about what they’d just told me, at that point they either opened the door for my 2 cents or not.
As a result of that non-judgmental approach, when three of the boys nearly killed themselves binge drinking in 7th grade spring break, the girls came running to our house for help. We were the ones they knew would handle it first, talk about it later. In that case we called ambulances, went with them through the charcoal mess, talked with their parents when they got to the hospital (amazingly all four were out of town on business, in separate cities), and then when the boys were home and okay, we let them have it. They thanked us after sitting quietly through our tirade!
I will tell you that when my daughter was in 6th grade, she was well developed. A boy groped her in class. She came home, really angry, and told me. Evidently this wasn’t the first time it had happened, and she wasn’t the only one it had happened to. Her dad and I went to the school and confronted the principal, a female btw. She said yes she’d heard about this boy but that it was nearly the end of the school year so why were we worried about it. Incredible, no? Well, she was NOT the principal the following year, and the boy wasn’t there, but turned out that although we were worried that our daughter would feel we’d betrayed a trust going in guns blazing, she actually felt glad that someone had stood up for her.
That wasn’t the case with everything, however. You kinda have to pick and choose as you go through this. It was the hardest thing we ever did.
Now I have a grandson in 3rd grade. The idea of him being tea bagged (yes, I do know what it is) makes me sick. My daughter is a far more hands off mom than I was and I worry about him. But even at this stage I have to be non-judgmental in terms of my daughter’s parenting style, otherwise the door will be slammed shut.
Hey, you have my email! Feel free to vent!
You’re quite right, Goldenrod — write themselves they do.
Slate — ah, Slate, my old friend. Thank you for sharing a page from your manual with me.