Family lore and the whisper game

There’s a game children often play — the whisper game. A group sits in a circle, and someone whispers a phrase or short story in the next person’s ear… who then retells the story to the next person…. who passes it on to the next….
Eventually, the last person tells the group what s/he heard, and hilarity ensues. It’s downright amazing how radically something can change.
Over the years, I’ve been honored by a number of families who asked me for help with their genealogy. In each case, people shared stories with me that had been told for generations — and every time, I found myself searching for a gentle way to present facts that didn’t support those legends.
I’ve come to believe that all of us have such stories in our families — tales in which ancestors take on legendary aspects that turn out to be either entirely false, or radically altered by time and multiple renditions.
Of course, not all stories are disproved, and even when they are, the tales are usually harmless. Occasionally, though, a family has developed a world view rooted in an altered or elaborated myth, and pulling back the curtains of time can bring denial, disappointment and anger. It can also provide clarity, context and perspective.
Because I’ve spent so many years delving into ancestry and American History, I’ve collected quite a number of these stories… and prior to now, I haven’t really seen a reason to share them. The fall-out from Jeremiah Wright’s incendiary sermons, though, and the reactions to Barack Obama’s historical speech last week, demonstrated (to me) that many Americans — both black and white — have internalized some damaging narratives.
Some are true and some are not. Some apply to some families and not to others.
Every family is unique, and very few of us grow up in a vacuum. Even if you haven’t the slightest interest in great-grandma or great-great grandpa, their lives have very likely impacted yours… and if you don’t know how, or why, then it’s very hard to challenge your own assumptions.
Thus I’ve decided to tell some of these stories on the blog. It won’t be often, and they may not relate to everyone. I haven’t a clue whether they’ll make any difference at all, but holding them all in my mind serves no-one.
There’s really no point at all to the whisper game if you don’t know how the story started.