A couple of years ago, Polimom and a distant cousin coordinated a genealogy trip to New York State. We spent two solid weeks together, poring over deed books, reading through personal memoirs or business account ledgers, searching for the elusive threads that tie us to our ancestors, and to one another.
Thanks to this family research, I actually have a whole host of cousins, the vast majority of whom I’ve either exchanged correspondence with or spoken with on the phone. We’ve talked about our shared 3X great-grandparents, where they lived, their children, their land, their wills. When we’ve met in person,I’ve bounced babies on my knee, compared pictures, marveled over shared grand-parental facial features and exchanged recipes.
There are, however, a number of things we haven’t talked about, and lately I’ve been pondering those undiscussed subjects.
For instance — I wonder what my cousins think about this:
Two black legislators _ Sen. Henry L. Marsh III and Delegate Donald McEachin _ have proposed that the General Assembly “acknowledge with contrition” the state’s role in slavery. McEachin said an apology would promote healing and ease the sadness felt by many descendants of slaves.
The resolution has yet to be put to a vote. But Delegate Frank Hargrove, the white Republican who spoke out against an apology, said there is no point in issuing one, because no slaves or slave owners are alive today.
Hargrove’s statement is distasteful, myopic, and bigoted, but he’s right that nobody alive was involved in slavery. Does that somehow prove that there’s no point in saying, collectively, “I’m sorry”?
Or is McEachin correct when he says an apology will help ease the pain felt by many black Americans? I honestly don’t know the answer to this. I can’t possibly know.
Perhaps I can claim that since some of my ancestors were slaves, I should be released from responsibility? Or maybe I should expect someone apologize to me for the fact that it took the descendants of my African ancestors six generations to send someone to college, while it took my Swedish family only two?
Or maybe I should just ask one of my cousins… but I can’t figure out how to do that.
Should I say, “Cousin, would an apology for slavery help heal the pain in your heart?”
The problem is that I’m afraid of the answer… or rather, I’m specifically afraid he’ll tell me “Yes“.
What will that say about our relationship? Will that be a judgment on me? And will that mean that he sees me, personally, as responsible for the injustices perpetrated upon his branch of the family?
Sigh…
The truth is that all of those caveats and concerns have nothing whatsoever to do with why there should be an apology. I think the collective American consciousness is sorry… but like Polimom, we’re individually afraid to say so. People want to deflect, or are afraid that an apology will somehow imply personal responsibility, and all this obfuscation and avoidance is making Americans — and particularly white Americans — look petty. Mean-spirited.
There are people who feel that focusing on this country’s historical ills provides a crutch for African Americans — a shelter behind which they can hide their own responsibility for the problems faced by many communities.
Maybe…. but whether black Americans are (or are not) using the country’s history as an excuse doesn’t mean there’s no worth in an apology.
Others are frustrated that “I’m sorry” is merely worthless symbolism, but while it’s certainly true that apologies won’t change history or magically undo generations of disparity, words can transcend the act of articulation.
But they have to be freely given.
America should offer an apology as an acknowledgment of wrongs done… and we should offer it without strings or expectations, but instead, with the hope that those whose hearts might be healed will accept it.
We have an open wound in this country that will not heal — but words have power, and if saying, “We’re sorry” will contribute in any way to the healing process, then America, collectively, should give that apology.
Fascinating post this one. I could comment for hours but won’t. Simply put, I have to wonder as to the reason behind the supposed “Yes” to the question, “Cousin, would an apology for slavery help heal the pain in your heart?” Why would an apology serve to heal the pain? I guess I’m suspicious of the answer to the question because I am suspicious of the intellectual honesty of the call for an apology by one group from another group who has had no control over prior events. Are the Saxons owed an apology from Norwegians for the wrongs of the Vikings? A great many of us European-Americans were simply “born” here. We had no control over our destination point upon birth. I can’t help but believe that when pressed to engage in an honest evaluation of the situation that those calling for an apology or reparations would have to acknowledge this rather obvious fact of life. Now of course comes the counter point to the effect that European Americans inordinately benefited in terms of economic well being from slavery and the apartheid that followed. Perhaps that is the case with the Rockefellers, et al, but for the most part, my families economic fortunes were more determined by the Great Depression. Wealth and priviledge have had to be earned by each succeeding generation and very little of any property or wealth has been inherited, passed from one generation to another and passed down.
This suspicion having been raised leads one to ask, what other motivations might well be fueling the call for an apology? Pragmatically speaking we’ve noted that the call comes from Black Politicos and not the masses of their Black constituents, though many of the more vocal constituents seem to echo their assent to the call once made. Thus we see that it plays well to the constituents and seems to be a good ploy on the part of the Black politicians. Would an apology necessarily hurt the European-American community or would it simply serve to defuse the issue?
The intellectual dishonesty noted by so many European-Americans gives rise I believe to a well founded fear that once the apology is made, it serves to justify making the “connection” of culpability which, prior to the apology, is near impossible to make. Once justified, the connection could then serve to justify a host of measures designed to equalize the situation, including but not limited to rapacious taxation and property takings aimed specifically at the European-American middle and upper middle income groups with an eye toward compensating descendant’s of slaves. This result if it were to occur would serve to push a great many European-Americans over the tipping point. And it’s that “point” which I don’t think most Black Americans or their politicians fathom, i.e., that the hostility to such moves would be leveled at Blacks, but rather at the government seen taking such moves. And in that, lies great peril to every American.
Hi Glide —
Thanks for your thoughtful response. It took me nearly all day to write it, and my conclusion wasn’t formed when I started.
One of the things in my mind as I wrote it was the very concern you bring up: reparations — an aspect of the debates that I, too, am against. That is, in fact, partly why I laid my own history as the foundation. It’s a great example of the impossibilities of compensation.
The web is too tangled, and too many years have passed — which also brings the LOOOOOOONNGGG-expired statute of limitations into things. Reparations are not possible, even if they were achievable or at this late date desirable.
Also — although this particular commentary isn’t linked (and thus not tracked back), another reader has also posted a thoughtful response.
Link here.
The clearest thought that I’ve been able to settle on in response to this news is that I see it as a waste of time. There are countless problems and issues that a state legislature can actually make a difference on and numerous budgets to be improved. This “apology” does nothing to work on any of those. If they do pass this, then I’d want an apology to me as a taxpayer for why they thought time spent on this helped earn their pay.
My attitude on this sort of ties in to these non-binding resolutions that the US Senate feels the need to work on. They spend weeks debating and arguing over the wording of something that will carry no weight on the issue. Its a waste of everyone’s time.
The United States governent should never apologize for two reasons: reparations will most surely follow, and we cannot go down that road. Second, the representatives/senators that condoned the act of slavery by not passing laws against it, are long gone. Those currently in office represent the current general population. You cannot have representation apologize for something their constiguents had nothing to do with.
Just a thought: instead of issuing apologies for things that happened centuries ago, maybe someone could take a look into the continuing slave trade.
~EdT.
Well, my ancestors were indentured servants of an englishman in the 1600’s. A later set of ancestors were not allowed jobs due to their Polish ancestry. I respect that, somehow, they all seemed to make it through and after about 8 generations one of them went to college.
If I were black, I’d be proud of my ancestors’ resilience and I would be ashamed that other blacks sold them to the whites. I think, in the long run, I sure would be glad that I ended up in America even though the road was paved with injustice. But I would look around me and see that most Americans’ roots came from injustice and I would feel that brotherhood. I would see it as my job to be strong, like my forefathers, and use every available tool to help me make a better life for my children and grandchildren.
No apologies today. None are needed. No whining either. LIfe here is good. If we don’t like it, then we should get a plane ticket back to where our ancestors came from. I assure you it is not better.there…unless you are a Hollywood star (who can live anywhere and it is pure luxury).